saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
