I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
