I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
