Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They took my balls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
