New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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