Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
