...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
