Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
