but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
