I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
