i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
