When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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