i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's get the cat blown out
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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