Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
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