so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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