I am full of burrito and curiosity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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