Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
