I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
