Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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