I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
