I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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