There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
