Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
