I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
