Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
