none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
