everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fuck appropriateness.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
