Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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