Please, let me fuck your mom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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