why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pants are for mortals
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
