I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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