I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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