I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
