she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
