I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
