i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
