He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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