she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
