remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
