Have you finally orgasmed yet?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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