He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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