he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
