redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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