you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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