I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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