I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
