I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
