my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
