Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
