Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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